RAGHAVENDRA RAU
Ten professions defined
Accountant jokes
X-Lib-of-Cong-ISSN: 1098-7649
Forwarded-by: Cal Herrmann [calani@netcom.com]
Forwarded-by: MIREIO@prodigy.net
Forwarded-by: Margaret A. Mills [mills.186@osu.edu]
Forwarded-by: Peter Langston[psl@langston.com]
A statistician is someone who is good with numbers, but lacks the personality to be an accountant.
An actuary is someone who brings a fake bomb on a plane because that decreases the chances that there will be another bomb on the plane. (Laurence J. Peter)
A programmer is someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.
A mathematician is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat which isn't there. (Charles R. Darwin)
A topologist is a man who doesn't know the difference between a coffee cup and a doughnut.
A lawyer is a person who writes a 10,000 word document and calls it a "brief." (Franz Kafka)
A psychologist is a man who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters the room.
A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
A schoolteacher is a disillusioned person who used to think he/she liked children.
A consultant is someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you the time.
What's the definition of an accountant?
Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.
What's the definition of a good tax accountant?
Someone who has a loophole named after him.
When does a person decide to become an accountant?
When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.
What does an accountant use for birth control?
His personality.
What's an extroverted accountant?
One who looks at your shoes while he's talking to you instead of his own.
What's an auditor?
Someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded.
There are three kinds of accountants in the world. Those who can count and those who can't.
What's an accountant's idea of trashing his hotel room?
Refusing to fill out the guest comment card.
How do you drive an accountant completely insane?
Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him and fold up a road map the wrong way.
What's the most wicked thing a group of young accountants can do?
Go into town and gang-audit someone.
What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't?
Depreciation.
An accountant is someone who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing.
An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. "Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night." "Have you tried counting sheep?" "That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it."