RAGHAVENDRA RAU
Real life applications of academic esoterica
Ethical standards of MBAs
Marketing
Dart-throwing monkeys
Agency costs in restaurants
Agency costs in restaurants - Comment
Everything is for sale in finance
Hiawatha designs an experiment
Proof of capital structure theory
Capital Structure paradise
Ex-Convicts, MBA Grads Have Similar Ethical Standards
X-Lib-of-Cong-ISSN: 1098-7649
Forwarded-by: Nev Dull [nev@bostic.com]
Forwarded-by: "Michael Kass" [kass@pixar.com]
Forwarded-by: Peter Langston[psl@langston.com]
Ball State University
15-Jan-99
Ex-Convicts, MBA Grads Have Similar Ethical Standards
MUNCIE, Ind. -- When it comes to ethical standards, convicts and MBA students rate about even, says a Ball State University researcher.
A survey of a group of convicts found their ethical standards compare favorably to those of MBA students. But, when it comes to loyalty, convicted felons may have the edge, said Shaheen Borna, a marketing professor.
A survey found that inmates were more loyal to their employers, placed higher priority on customer service and worked better in groups.
The survey's participants were from three minimum security prisons located in three Midwestern states. Participants were mostly male (90 percent), white (80 percent), and young (48 percent were between 20-25 and 32 percent between 25-30). The average sentence served by respondents was 4.5 years.
All respondents were convicted felons participating in some capacity in the prison education system. None were a Ball State student.
The survey found:
- About 73 percent of MBA students and 60 percent of convicts would hire, if it was legal, a competitor's employees who knew the details of a profitable discovery.
- Both groups believe their own ethical standards are about the same as or superior to peers, past supervisors and business executives.
- When it came to priorities, convicts put customers first while students favored stockholders and customers second.
- Inmates were more "loyal" than their student counterparts. Convicts were more likely to do what was asked of them in ethically difficult or ethically doubtful situations.
- Students were more likely to quit when faced with obviously unethical behavior while inmates were more likely to leave when the behavior involved a deal with the government.
- Inmates placed greater importance on group trust and loyality.
"With respect to priorities, little difference was found between the two groups," Borna said. "The differences that were found in response to questions had to do with inmates' loyalty or with inmates' high priority for customers -- hardly undesirable characteristics for a potential employee."
Despite public perception, inmates in the prison education system, many convicts have the potential to become productive members of society if business executives are willing to provide opportunities, he said.
"If a potential employer believes that the values and ethics of inmates in the prison education system are not that different from the values and ethics of students in graduate higher education, that manager might be much more willing to take a chance on an ex-con," Borna said.
The research provides some evidence that organizations are missing out on the dual opportunity to lessen the correctional burden on society and add a valuable and loyal source of productivity, he said.
The survey also emphasizes that university faculty should increase awareness of ethics in business decisions by having students participate in live situations instead of learn them from books or lectures.
"Most groups, including convicted felons, know ethics and will usually do the right thing," Borna said. "The key issue in education may be getting students to recognize that most decisions have a moral dimension."
(NOTE TO EDITORS: For more information, contact Borna at sborna@bsu.edu or at (765) 285-5191. For more stories visit the Ball State University News Center at newscenter.bsu.edu on the World Wide Web.)
Marketing is a pain in the glass
From: ccabw@theRestaurant.com
To: requisitions@theRestaurant.com
Date: 12 April 2001
Subject: Water glasses
Hello. We're out of water glasses (customers keep dropping and breaking them). Please run down to Target and get us a new case. Nothing fancy - just plain water glasses will do.
Maybe even some plastic ones? Those won't break.
-- Chief Cook and Bottle Washer
From: requisitions@theRestaurant.com
To: ccabw@theRestaurant.com
Date: 12 April 2001
Subject: Re: Water glasses
I'll get right on it.
-- Merf Doofle, MBA
Requisitions, The Restaurant
From: ccabw@theRestaurant.com
To: requisitions@theRestaurant.com
Date: 16 April 2001
Subject: Re: Water glasses
This is a follow-up on your email from the other day. We're still out of water glasses. I thought you were going to get some right away. I know you're busy, but this is kind of important. Our customers are going thirsty.
-- Chief Cook and Bottle Washer
From: requisitions@theRestaurant.com
To: ccabw@theRestaurant.com
Date: 17 April 2001
Subject: Re: Water glasses
We're currently conducting marketing research on the water concept. We expect to have some useful feedback from the Marketing Focus Group within a day or two.
-- Merf Doofle, MBA
Coordinator, Water Project Marketing Focus Group
Requisitions, The Restaurant
From: ccabw@theRestaurant.com
To: requisitions@theRestaurant.com
Date: 21 April 2001
Subject: Re: Water glasses
Not to press you, but it's been a couple days since you said you expected feedback from your "focus group" on the water.
We still need glasses.
-- Chief Cook and Bottle Washer
From: requisitions@theRestaurant.com
To: ccabw@theRestaurant.com
Date: 23 April 2001
Subject: Re: Water glasses
It's not enough to have raw feedback from the MFG. Now that we have the pure information, we need to analyze it thoroughly to determine how we can leverage the water product for optimal marketing position so we can grow our business. We're efforting that now. Let us have a couple more days to cook the data.
-- Merf Doofle, MBA
Coordinator, Water Project Marketing Focus Group
Supervisor, Water Product Efforting Cadre
Requisitions, The Restaurant
From: ccabw@theRestaurant.com
To: requisitions@theRestaurant.com
Date: 26 April 2001
Subject: Re: Water glasses
How's the effort going with the water data thing?
-- Chief Cook and Bottle Washer
From: requisitions@theRestaurant.com
To: ccabw@theRestaurant.com
Date: 28 April 2001
Subject: Re: Water glasses
Our focus group feedback analysis is complete. Please set aside time sometime next week so we can conduct a team direction meeting for internal knowledge dissemination.
-- Merf Doofle, MBA
Coordinator, Water Project Marketing Focus Group
Supervisor, Water Product Efforting Cadre
Presenter, Water Product Internal Direction Focus Committee
Requisitions, The Restaurant
From: ccabw@theRestaurant.com
To: requisitions@theRestaurant.com
Date: 4 May 2001
Subject: Re: Water glasses
That meeting was, to put it mildly, exhaustive. I never knew there were so many factors to consider in producing water in a glass. I have to say that your PowerPoint presentation was most thorough, and I have been reading over the 75-page printout of the presentation you provided us all with.
I see now that you've been careful to consider every possible angle, and I sure do appreciate that, but - not to be a nag - when can we get those water glasses?
-- Chief Cook and Bottle Washer
From: requisitions@theRestaurant.com
To: ccabw@theRestaurant.com
Date: 7 May 2001
Subject: Re: Water glasses
We're consulting outside contractors for further construction of the Water Product. Once we've passed the NDAs through Legal we'll be able to proceed development of preliminary releases.
-- Merf Doofle, MBA
Coordinator, Water Project Marketing Focus Group
Supervisor, Water Product Efforting Cadre
Presenter, Water Product Internal Direction Focus Committee
Overseer, Water Product Outsourcing
Requisitions, The Restaurant
From: ccabw@theRestaurant.com
To: requisitions@theRestaurant.com
Date: 22 May 2001
Subject: Re: Water glasses
It's been a couple weeks since we last talked, and I was wondering how things are going with the water glasses.
We're starting to lose some regular customers now - they say (this is a direct quote from one of them) if they can't have a g-- d--- glass of water, they aren't going to order any g-- d--- food either.
-- Chief Cook and Bottle Washer
From: requisitions@theRestaurant.com
To: ccabw@theRestaurant.com
Date: 25 May 2001
Subject: Re: Water glasses
We expect to hear from our outsource contractors by the end of the month on the status of the initial prototype of the new water product.
This is a very exciting time for The Restaurant! We'll be distributing awareness materials for all the customers within the next few days, once they are back from Graphics and we've approved the design.
-- Merf Doofle, MBA
Coordinator, Water Project Marketing Focus Group
Supervisor, Water Product Efforting Cadre
Presenter, Water Product Internal Direction Focus Committee
Overseer, Water Product Outsourcing
Chief Adviser, Water Product Awareness Material Creation
Requisitions, The Restaurant
From: ccabw@theRestaurant.com
To: requisitions@theRestaurant.com
Date: 2 June 2001
Subject: Re: Water glasses
The brochures sure look great, though I don't know exactly what a Caribbean coastline has to do with water glasses.
Some customers are folding their placemats into paper cups and drinking water from them. I've told them it might not be a good idea - the ink in the four-color printing may contain lead.
Most customers just ask what the h--- the brochures have to do with getting a glass of water.
Are we going to be getting those water glasses soon?
-- Chief Cook and Bottle Washer
From: requisitions@theRestaurant.com
To: ccabw@theRestaurant.com
Date: 5 June 2001
Subject: Re: Water glasses
The Caribbean motif is to enhance the sense that our water product is so easy to use it's like being on vacation. You must have noticed the lovely young lady as well - that's sex, and sex sells.
We're conducting final testing on the initial water product design. After that we'll be ready to test it in an actual market.
The ink is soy-based. It's non-toxic.
-- Merf Doofle, MBA
Coordinator, Water Project Marketing Focus Group
Supervisor, Water Product Efforting Cadre
Presenter, Water Product Internal Direction Focus Committee
Overseer, Water Product Outsourcing
Chief Adviser, Water Product Awareness Material Creation
Administrator, Water Product Premarket Testing Consortium
Requisitions, The Restaurant
From: ccabw@theRestaurant.com
To: requisitions@theRestaurant.com
Date: 6 June 2001
Subject: Re: Water glasses
I guess I can understand why you'd want to include a Caribbean coastline, and a leggy busty bikini model. But it's not like we're trying to sell anyone a yacht or private jet - we're just talking about water here, a plain glass of water, something people already want.
But hey, you know your business - I don't mean to step on your toes or anything. I really don't understand anything about marketing.
Are you sure about the ink? One of our customers drank from a hand-made placemat paper cup this morning and suddenly started staring off into space and drooling.
-- Chief Cook and Bottle Washer
From: requisitions@theRestaurant.com
To: ccabw@theRestaurant.com
Date: 8 June 2001
Subject: Re: Water glasses
There is nothing "plain" about this new water product, I guarantee you. We're going to completely change the way people think about water forever.
I'm sure about the ink. I just double-checked with our printers. It's soy.
-- Merf Doofle, MBA
Coordinator, Water Project Marketing Focus Group
Supervisor, Water Product Efforting Cadre
Presenter, Water Product Internal Direction Focus Committee
Overseer, Water Product Outsourcing
Chief Adviser, Water Product Awareness Material Creation
Administrator, Water Product Premarket Testing Consortium
Director, Water Product Alpha Challenge Assessment
Requisitions, The Restaurant
From: ccabw@theRestaurant.com
To: requisitions@theRestaurant.com
Date: 9 June 2001
Subject: Re: Water glasses
Never mind - I found out that customer is a tobacco company attorney. That explains everything.
I'm really looking forward to this water thing, and all of our non-drooling customers are too. When can we see it?
-- Chief Cook and Bottle Washer
From: requisitions@theRestaurant.com
To: ccabw@theRestaurant.com
Date: 13 June 2001
Subject: Re: Water glasses
We've finally received feedback on the initial water product testing, and have identified several areas which need correcting.
As soon as that's done we can do a beta release, clean up any remaining challenges, and then we'll be ready for a product rollout.
-- Merf Doofle, MBA
Coordinator, Water Project Marketing Focus Group
Supervisor, Water Product Efforting Cadre
Presenter, Water Product Internal Direction Focus Committee
Overseer, Water Product Outsourcing
Chief Adviser, Water Product Awareness Material Creation
Administrator, Water Product Premarket Testing Consortium
Director, Water Product Alpha Challenge Assessment
Leader, Water Product Challenge Correction Steerage Team
Requisitions, The Restaurant
From: ccabw@theRestaurant.com
To: requisitions@theRestaurant.com
Date: 13 June 2001
Subject: Re: Water glasses
"Correcting"? "Testing"?
What on Earth are you talking about? It's just a bunch of water glasses!
-- Chief Cook and Bottle Washer
From: requisitions@theRestaurant.com
To: ccabw@theRestaurant.com
Date: 18 June 2001
Subject: Re: Water glasses
Since you seem to be skeptical about the importance of the feedback we've received from the water product prerelease testing, here is a copy of the notes we collated from our alpha team:
1. The miniature refrigerator shorts out when the glass resizes and the relative volume of the water in the glass is improperly adjusted.
2. The miniature microwave flash-heats the smallest water quantity in the smallest glass to steam.
3. The water container autosize function causes fluid hyperrelease ("overflow") when decanting while container autosizing is taking place.
4. Coloring agents should include a chart or table to more effectively select the desired color effect.
5. Opacity on the water container is sporadically implemented.
6. Scenting agents should permit a pre-waft, thus allowing the customer to determine optimal scent factors prior to adding the components to the liquid.
7. Undo needs to be universally and consistently implemented across all elements of the design.
As you can see we've addressed some key issues. These take time for a proper response.
-- Merf Doofle, MBA
Coordinator, Water Project Marketing Focus Group
Supervisor, Water Product Efforting Cadre
Presenter, Water Product Internal Direction Focus Committee
Overseer, Water Product Outsourcing
Chief Adviser, Water Product Awareness Material Creation
Administrator, Water Product Premarket Testing Consortium
Director, Water Product Alpha Challenge Assessment
Leader, Water Product Challenge Correction Steerage Team
Collator, Water Product Alpha Team Feedback
Requisitions, The Restaurant
From: ccabw@theRestaurant.com
To: requisitions@theRestaurant.com
Date: 18 June 2001
Subject: Re: Water glasses
I don't understand any of this - I thought you were kidding in that presentation you gave last month, where you talked about all those different options. Are you telling me you are seriously trying to add all those features you talked about?
For a glass of water?!?
-- Chief Cook and Bottle Washer
From: requisitions@theRestaurant.com
To: ccabw@theRestaurant.com
Date: 18 June 2001
Subject: Re: Water glasses
We take our MFG feedback most seriously. Let me recap the major points, in case you've forgotten, so you can understand how much success we've accomplished:
1. Water product should have variable temperature, customer-selectable. (Specific questionnaire comments: "A little refridgerator might be nice, so I can cool the water down" and "A mini-micro wave so I can make the water warmer would be GREAT!!!!!!!!!!")
2. Water container should be of variable size to allow the customer to choose the decanter volume with which he is most comfortable. (Specific comment: "Somtimes I don't want a big huge glass of water, but sometims Im real thurst.")
2.a. Engineering reminds us that beginning with the largest container, filled to capacity, would result in overflow if the container were sized down. Suggested including a draining function, which would reduce the water level as the container got smaller.
2.b. Engineering points out that a variable-sized container might be too large to fit into the initial mini-refrigerator and microwave designs, causing a fundamental reconstruction of those objects.
2.c. Initial refrigerator design called for freon; however overseas contractors are not available so the more-expensive non-freon unit is indicated.
2.d. Microwave shielding sufficient to meet Federal minimum safety standards for exposure necessitates the overall size and mass of the microwave component to be increased by 15 percent over initial design.
2.d.i. Prominent posters, labels, stickers and warnings must be placed on and near the microwave units for benefits of cardiac pacemaker patients.
2.d.ii. Similarly prominent warnings must be placed to warn the customer that the liquid in the container may be hot.
3. Water container should be refillable at the customer's discretion. (Specific comment: "Sumtimes I hav to allmoust trip the waittress to get mor water.")
3.a. Engineering suggests creating an installed fluid decanter, which allows the customer, at the flip of a switch, to add more water as needed. Further suggestion is to connect this decanter with the draining circuit mentioned in (2.a) to prevent spillage and permit maximum recycling.
4. Water container should have variable shape. (Specific comments: "Those little stumpy glasses are too big for my kids to pick up", "Thosse thin tall galsses are too hard for me to pick up", "I like little wine-glass shaped glasses.")
5. Water container should have variable opacity.
6. Water should have colorant agents as optional features. (Specific comment: "I like looking thru red-color water.")
7. Water should have similar agents for flavor. (Specific comment: "Water with those littul lemin slises taste good.")
8. Water should have similar agents for scent. (Specific comment: "I love the way choclit smells!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!")
9. All options above should be included in the single water-container product concept. The customer should be able to choose any of these things without having, for one moment, to change to a different water container or water fluid.
I've attached the raw notes from the MFG meetings so you can see the full bulk of data we had to work over to distill the above.
-- Merf Doofle, MBA
Coordinator, Water Project Marketing Focus Group
Supervisor, Water Product Efforting Cadre
Presenter, Water Product Internal Direction Focus Committee
Overseer, Water Product Outsourcing
Chief Adviser, Water Product Awareness Material Creation
Administrator, Water Product Premarket Testing Consortium
Director, Water Product Alpha Challenge Assessment
Leader, Water Product Challenge Correction Steerage Team
Collator, Water Product Alpha Team Feedback
Requisitions, The Restaurant
From: ccabw@theRestaurant.com
To: requisitions@theRestaurant.com
Date: 21 June 2001
Subject: Re: Water glasses
Merf, you must be f---ing kidding. I read all that and cannot believe you are serious.
From the feedback you got from your "focus group" I can only conclude the following about "focus groups" in general, and certainly yours specifically:
1. That their participants are gathered from the clientele of methadone clinics; and/or
2. That their participants have nothing better to do otherwise than watch Jerry Springer; and/or
3. That their participants are also too dumb to be able to escape jury duty; and/or
4. That their participants are tobacco company attorneys.
The only thing more mind-boggling to me than that this consortium of idiots could gather together without collapsing into an intellectual black hole is that any otherwise rational-seeming human being would consider - even for a moment - taking seriously what these cretinous slopheads have to say.
Enough of the focus groups, leverage, efforting and all that. Where are my damned water glasses?
-- Chief Cook and Bottle Washer
From: requisitions@theRestaurant.com
To: ccabw@theRestaurant.com
Date: 21 June 2001
Subject: Re: Water glasses
I would hardly characterize actual feedback from actual consumers of a product we intend to release as being in any way trivial or worthy of being discarded.
If we want to produce a superior product we must be market driven - we must find out what the consumer wants from water, and we must endeavor to create the ideal product.
As you said before, you know nothing of marketing, so take my word for it. This kind of in-depth market research is what matters.
-- Merf Doofle, MBA
Coordinator, Water Project Marketing Focus Group
Supervisor, Water Product Efforting Cadre
Presenter, Water Product Internal Direction Focus Committee
Overseer, Water Product Outsourcing
Chief Adviser, Water Product Awareness Material Creation
Administrator, Water Product Premarket Testing Consortium
Director, Water Product Alpha Challenge Assessment
Leader, Water Product Challenge Correction Steerage Team
Collator, Water Product Alpha Team Feedback
Market Researcher, Water Pro
Requisitions, The Restaurant
From: ccabw@theRestaurant.com
To: requisitions@theRestaurant.com
Date: 21 June 2001
Subject: Re: Water glasses
Look, Merf, it's just a glass of water! All I want is some water glasses!
-- Chief Cook and Bottle Washer
From: requisitions@theRestaurant.com
To: ccabw@theRestaurant.com
Date: 21 June 2001
Subject: Re: Water glasses
What if the customer wants his water colder or warmer than usual? What if he wants a different sized glass? What if he wants flavors?
-- Merf Doofle, MBA
Coordinator, Water Project Marketing Focus Group
Supervisor, Water Product Efforting Cadre
Presenter, Water Product Internal Direction Focus Committee
Overseer, Water Product Outsourcing
Chief Adviser, Water Product Awareness Material Creation
Administrator, Water Product Premarket Testing Consortium
Director, Water Product Alpha Challenge Assessment
Leader, Water Product Challenge Correction Steerage Team
Collator, Water Product Alpha Team Feedback
Market Researcher, Water Product
Requisitions, The Restaurant
From: ccabw@theRestaurant.com
To: requisitions@theRestaurant.com
Date: 21 June 2001
Subject: Re: Water glasses
He can ASK for those things! He can ASK for lemon slices and ice cubes!
-- Chief Cook and Bottle Washer
From: requisitions@theRestaurant.com
To: ccabw@theRestaurant.com
Date: 21 June 2001
Subject: Re: Water glasses
Why make the customer have to ask for any of it? Why make him wait for any of it?
If it can all be provided to him as a single water product package, isn't that better than making him ask - and wait for the hostess to fulfill his desires?
-- Merf Doofle, MBA
Coordinator, Water Project Marketing Focus Group
Supervisor, Water Product Efforting Cadre
Presenter, Water Product Internal Direction Focus Committee
Overseer, Water Product Outsourcing
Chief Adviser, Water Product Awareness Material Creation
Administrator, Water Product Premarket Testing Consortium
Director, Water Product Alpha Challenge Assessment
Leader, Water Product Challenge Correction Steerage Team
Collator, Water Product Alpha Team Feedback
Market Researcher, Water Product
Requisitions, The Restaurant
From: ccabw@theRestaurant.com
To: requisitions@theRestaurant.com
Date: 6 July 2001
Subject: Re: Water glasses
Well, I have to say the rollout for your "water product" was well received. Between the fireworks, the live Moody Blues performance, and the Michael Jordan celebrity endorsement, it sure makes it look like we've got one really tasty glass of water to offer here.
Even after getting through the disclaimers and selecting from all those options (which seems to take most people between five and fifteen minutes), it seems pretty obvious that this new water idea is a major hit. The customers are guzzling it.
Only 900 of the 5000 we served gave up partway through the dialog, shouting things like "I don't know, I just want a GLASS OF WATER! Just GIVE ME A F---ING GLASS OF F---ING WATER!" before stalking out of The Restaurant and drinking from the fountain down the street. Most just sort of bewilderedly worked through the dialog and seemed to be more or less happy with the water they ended up with. They all knew they could change the water at any time they wanted, but most seemed unwilling to try that, apparently worried that by making too many changes they'd lose track of the basic glass of water they wanted. (Even if the water they ended up with wasn't exactly the water they'd had in mind when they started - I saw one guy drink a tiny glass of overfull tepid water colored mud, scented sewage, and flavored camel spit because he seemed a little intimidated at the idea of changing anything, fearing I guess that he'd lose his water entirely.)
Two or three dozen seemed to really like all the choices, and spent several hours trying different water and container configurations. Seems to me like most of them just went back to plain water, a little cool but not really cold, in a basic glass. Still, they seemed to enjoy spending five or six hours playing around with the options before finally settling on basic water.
I heard a couple of serious geek types laughing about issuing a command called 'make water,' and was afraid they'd pee in the corner, but from what I heard them mumbling I gather they were eunuchs. (Or that they liked eunuchs - I was too busy mopping up inadvertent water hyperquantities to really pay attention.)
It seems that WaterMillennium is more or less a success. Congratulations.
But between the rollout and the Webcast and the planned Superbowl spot, it looks like we're going to be in debt until about the year 82147.
That's a lot of tips. I hope your International Water Product works well next month.
-- Chief Cook and Bottle Washer (and accountant)
From: requisitions@theRestaurant.com
To: ccabw@theRestaurant.com
Date: 8 July 2001
Subject: Re: Water glasses
Glad you appreciated the product rollout.
I'm sure our 4Q profit margins will reflect the degree of customer interest our promotional campaigns have created.
-- Merf Doofle, MBA
Coordinator, Water Project Marketing Focus Group
Supervisor, Water Product Efforting Cadre
Presenter, Water Product Internal Direction Focus Committee
Overseer, Water Product Outsourcing
Chief Adviser, Water Product Awareness Material Creation
Administrator, Water Product Premarket Testing Consortium
Director, Water Product Alpha Challenge Assessment
Leader, Water Product Challenge Correction Steerage Team
Collator, Water Product Alpha Team Feedback
Market Researcher, Water Product
Architect, Water Product Rollout Success Gathering
Requisitions, The Restaurant
From: ccabw@theRestaurant.com
To: requisitions@theRestaurant.com
Date: 12 July 2001
Subject: Re: Water glasses
Hey, Merf: Your water glasses leak. Please fix it.
-- Chief Cook and Bottle Washer
From: requisitions@theRestaurant.com
To: ccabw@theRestaurant.com
Date: 12 July 2001
Subject: Re: Water glasses
I'll get right on it.
-- Merf Doofle, MBA
Coordinator, Water Project Marketing Focus Group
Supervisor, Water Product Efforting Cadre
Presenter, Water Product Internal Direction Focus Committee
Overseer, Water Product Outsourcing
Chief Adviser, Water Product Awareness Material Creation
Administrator, Water Product Premarket Testing Consortium
Director, Water Product Alpha Challenge Assessment
Leader, Water Product Challenge Correction Steerage Team
Collator, Water Product Alpha Team Feedback
Market Researcher, Water Product
Architect, Water Product Rollout Success Gathering
Liaison, Water Product Phase Two Production Staff
Requisitions, The Restaurant
Monkey Trumps Wall Street With 200 Percent Gain
X-Lib-of-Cong-ISSN: 1098-7649 -=[ Fun_People ]=-
X-http://www.langston.com/psl-bin/Fun_People.cgi
Forwarded-by: Nev Dull <nev@bostic.com>
Forwarded-by: "John P. Kole" <kole@rsn.hp.com>
Forwarded-by: Vince Cavasin <cavasin@cac.net>
Monkey Trumps Wall Street With 200 Percent Gain
Dart-Throwing Monkey Returns to Wall Street With New Picks For Year 2000
Business Wire
01/12/00, 9:41p
(Copyright ' 2000, Business Wire)
LOS ANGELES--(BUSINESS WIRE)--Jan. 12, 2000--Raven, the dart-throwing monkey with her own Web site, showed up many of Wall Street's finest with her 213 percent gain for the year.
"It's all in the wrist action," stated Raven, age six. A Web site and index have been created to monitor her performance. The Web site and the index can both be found at www.monkeydex.com.
MonkeyDex is the Internet's first index of Internet stocks picked by an actual monkey. MonkeyDex was created in January of 1999 when Raven, a six-year-old female monkey, tossed darts at a dartboard of 133 Internet-related stocks. Raven returned to Wall Street this year with a dart toss at a dartboard of 281 Internet-related stocks.
"She quadrupled the performance of the Dow and doubled the performance of the Nasdaq composite," stated Roland Perry, editor of the Internet Stock Review and creator of the MonkeyDex. "Not bad considering she wasn't able to participate in any of the hot new issue offerings," he added.
"And yes, she beat the Internet Stock Review's top 20 picks for 1999, which gained 79 percent last year. We did manage to outperform her with our Original Watch List, which gained 490 percent in 1998 and went on to finish 1999 with a two-year gain of 1,566 percent."
Had Raven been employed at a Wall Street Mutual Fund, her performance would rank her as the 22nd best money manager in the country outperforming over 6,000 Wall Street pros.
Raven's picks for 1999 were AudioHighway (Nasdaq:AHWY), down 21%; CMGI Inc. (Nasdaq:CMGI), up 935%; iMall (Nasdaq:IMAL), bought out; Inktomi (Nasdaq:INKT), up 177%; ISS Group (Nasdaq:ISSX), up 158%; Kushner-Locke (Nasdaq:KLOC), down 36%; Lycos (Nasdaq:LCOS), up 194%; Netspeak (Nasdaq:NSPK), up 88%; Onsale (Nasdaq:ONSL), bought out; and Ozemail, which merged with MCI WorldComm (WCOM).
Raven's picks for year 2000 are Audible.com (Nasdaq:ADBL), Broadcom (Nasdaq:BRCM), eToys (Nasdaq:ETYS), Litronic (Nasdaq:LNTX), Medium4.com (OTCBB:METV), Lycos (Nasdaq:LCOS), N2H2 (Nasdaq:NTWO), Prodigy (Nasdaq:PRGY), Software.com (Nasdaq:SWCM) and StarMedia (Nasdaq:STRM).
This year's dart-tossing ceremonies were recorded by a film crew from the National Enquirer and will air on National Enquirer TV (http://www.nationalenquirertv.com/):
Boston, WFXT -- 12:30 p.m., Midnight
Chicago, WFLD -- 12:30 p.m., Midnight
Los Angeles, KCAL -- 3 p.m., 12:30 a.m.
Miami, WBZL -- 1 p.m., 2 a.m.
New York, WNYW -- 11 a.m.
Philadelphia, WTXF -- Noon
San Francisco, KBWB -- 11 p.m., 12:30 p.m.
Washington, D.C., WTTG -- 12:30 p.m., 5 a.m.
MonkeyDex
www.monkeydex.com
Five Barclays Bankers Lose Jobs Over Very Expensive Meal
DOW JONES NEWSWIRES
LONDON (AP)--One summer evening, six bankers celebrated a business deal with dinner at a London restaurant. Several hours and three bottles of Chateau Petrus later, they had run up a bill of more than GBP44,000 - according to Guinness World Records, the most expensive meal per capita ever.
It is unlikely that they are still celebrating. Five of the diners - employees of Barclays Capital, the investment banking division of Barclays PLC (BCS) - have reportedly lost their jobs, and the sixth is keeping a low profile.
The Petrus restaurant released details of the bill to the media after the extravagant meal last July. But on Tuesday night, staff at the lush, low-key dining room in London's St. James's district said politely but firmly that they were not allowed to speak to the media about this issue.
According to the restaurant, the party spent GBP44,007, most of it on wine, including a bottle of 1945 Chateau Petrus Bordeaux priced at GBP11,600 pounds; a GBP9,400 bottle of the 1946 vintage; and a bottle of the 1947 Petrus at GBP12,300. The dinner was rounded off with a dessert wine costing GBP9,200 pounds.
The Michelin-starred restaurant, whose signature dishes include John Dory in mussel and tomato sauce and duck confit ravioli, did not even charge the party for the several hundred pounds worth of food it consumed.
Customers come to Petrus, named for the Bordeaux vineyard that supplies much of its wine, to eat fine food - and, especially, to drink fine wine.
Among the vintages being offered Tuesday on the 21-page wine list are a 1961 Petrus at GBP12,500 and a 1928 vintage at GBP11,600.
Tom Forrest, a wine expert at London wine museum Vinopolis, said the bankers chose well. The combination of clay soil and careful tending makes Petrus wines among the most sought-after in the world, and the vintages from the mid-1940s are especially valued.
"It is recognized as one of the great wines of the world," Forrest said. "And 1945 was a strong vintage in Bordeaux, partly because it was the Liberation vintage - it was a very good summer, and people were happy when they were making it."
The restaurant's public relations firm, Sauce Communications, confirmed the cost of the Barclays Capital meal, but said Petrus had never revealed the diners' names.
Four were named by British newspapers as Dayananda Kumar, Mahish Chandra and Iftikhar Hyder from Barclays' London office, and Ruth Cove from the bank's New York office. The names of the other two are not known.
Newspapers reported this week that all but one of the diners had been fired by the bank over the last few months. Hyder - who had recently joined the bank at the time of the meal - reportedly was the only one to keep his job.
Barclays Capital refused to comment, but a source at the company said the news reports were true. The Barclays London switchboard did not have Kumar listed in its directory. An employee who answered the phone at Chandra's extension said he no longer worked for the company.
Hyder, who now works in the New York office, did not immediately return telephone calls from The Associated Press.
The diners paid the bill with their own money. Press reports, which could not be confirmed, said some later tried to claim a portion of the meal as client expenses.
On Monday, London's Evening Standard newspaper quoted Kumar as saying he had paid GBP9,000 of the tab, even though he had not drunk any of the wine. "To be honest, I'm not that bothered about it," Kumar was quoted as saying.
"I've been on lots of expeditions since I left the bank. I went climbing on Everest, I've just come back from Kilimanjaro, and I'm off to the North Pole soon. It's no real problem."
Many British banks have laid off staff members in recent months, but Barclays is one of the stronger performers.
The bank, which employs about 78,000 people and has more than 2,000 branches in the U.K., this month announced pretax profits of GBP3.61 billion for 2001, up 9% from the previous year.
Barclays said operating profits at its business banking arm rose 5% to GBP1.15 billion pounds, and that its work force grew by 2,400 in 2001.
Some commentators, with a tinge of regret, saw the Petrus episode as a sign that the financial sector's high-spending days are over.
"The biggest problem that has arisen from this is that nobody in the City (London's financial district) is prepared to eat in restaurants any more after big deals," the Evening Standard quoted Kumar as saying. "It's too risky."
On the Net: Petrus
Check, Please! Take $65,000, Keep the Change
Wall Street Journal, March 1, 2002
By TUNKU VARADARAJAN
A good story is one that gains rapidly in girth in the days after it breaks, not merely acquiring a wider circulation (what Tina Brown called "buzz") but also exciting, in its train, a certain amount of editorial pontification.
Just such a yarn came to attention six days ago when the Financial Times of London ran a small item by its banking correspondent titled "Barclays Bankers Lose Jobs After $62,000 Dinner."
True celebration is not cheap. So why did five Barclays bankers get the sack?
The story was picked up post haste by the wires and the London tabloids, then by the American networks and newspapers. Finally -- and perhaps predictably -- it came to rest in the editorial columns of the New York Times, where, on Wednesday, we were given a finger-wagging sermon on the unseemliness of "conspicuous consumption."
In a nutshell, the story is about the firing of five investment bankers who, last summer, celebrated a lucrative day at the office with a dinner so expensive that it broke the world record for pricey meals.
What made the occasion so eye-catching was the fact that the $62,000-plus restaurant tab was almost entirely for alcohol, the innkeeper having waived -- one assumes in slavering gratitude -- the $360 that constituted the cost of solids ingested. (He did not waive, note, the $7 charge for a pack of Marlboro Lights.) Some of the drinks were certainly dead impressive: a bottle each of Chateau Petrus from 1945, '46 and '47 (the last at $17,500, the others at $16,500 and $13,400 respectively), a century-old Chateau d'Yquem for the pudding wine (at $13,100) and a $2,000 Montrachet, with which they gargled back the fish course.
But the meal was not inherently conspicuous, in that it was intended as a private affair; and what we do in our own time, with our own money, should -- provided the exuberance is lawfully expressed -- be no one else's business. In this case, details of the meal made it to the papers only because of a mole, presumably in the restaurant. The diners had initially suspected the restaurateur and had threatened to sue for breach of privacy, but that action appears to have fizzled out.
So why were the bankers fired? Here the facts get murky. The New York Times reports that, although they paid for the tab with their own money, they tried later to pass off some of the expense on their clients. The London papers, however, make no mention of this apparent chicanery. (None of the diners was reachable for comment, alas; a clause in their severance package binds them to silence.)
The London papers' version of events -- that the bankers' dismissals had to do with the vulgarity of "excess" in a climate of recession -- is the more complex one and is certainly the more romantic. Put bluntly, the details of the dinner, once in the public domain, were considered rather appalling PR for the investment bank. "The Lords of Lacadaemon were true soldiers," wrote Byron, "while ours are sybarites." The big-spenders had to go, and Barclays seems to have sacrificed them on the altar of self-image.
If it is at all a salve to them as they seek other employment, they have me on their side. Theirs is a nuanced tale. For starters (the apt phrase here, I think), the occasion was an example of perfect capitalism. They injected the money they earned straight back into the system, to the benefit of the restaurateur, the waiters, the wine merchants, the vineyards, even the part-time grape-pickers in France.
Lest my calculus be deemed too economic, let me point to a cultural theme as well. Three of the five bankers were born on the Indian subcontinent, a part of the world known to me first-hand but not known generally for its adoration of fine wine. Is theirs not a superb example of acculturation, men of the East taking up the ways of the West? The dramaturgy of integration must surely include adopting Western ways of celebration -- extended, here, to the limits of spending power -- and not merely adopting a language or modes of dress and discourse.
And here I must inject an anecdote. My son's godfather, an Indian, is a banker in London. He looks unmistakably Indian and, in his suit and brogues, gives off a whiff of great wealth. In the days after the story broke, he was approached on a couple of occasions by sommeliers in restaurants asking if "Sir wished to look at the list of special vintages." Racial profiling? Of course, and of the most delightful sort.
A last point. One of the diners was a Muslim, who did not drink a drop of Petrus, or Yquem, or Montrachet. One assumes he drank some of the 10 bottles of water ordered (cost: $50) and all of the one glass of juice ($4). Yet he picked up a fifth of the tab. How generous of him. I bet he could have used a slug of something strong afterward, but how very civilized.
As for me, my only complaint about the bankers' behavior would be that I was not invited to join them.
Ah, the days when you could get anything on eBay ...
Hiawatha Designs an Experiment
Hiawatha, mighty hunter,
He could shoot ten arrows upward,
Shoot them with such strength and swiftness
That the last had left the bow-string
Ere the first to earth descended.
This was commonly regarded
As a feat of skill and cunning.
Several sarcastic spirits
Pointed out to him, however,
That it might be much more useful
If he sometimes hit the target.
"Why not shoot a little straighter
And employ a smaller sample?"
Hiawatha, who at college
Majored in applied statistics,
Consequently felt entitled
To instruct his fellow man
In any subject whatsoever,
Waxed exceedingly indignant,
Talked about the law of errors,
Talked about truncated normals,
Talked of loss of information,
Talked about his lack of bias,
Pointed out that (in the long run)
Independent observations,
Even though they missed the target,
Had an average point of impact
Very near the spot he aimed at,
With the possible exception
of a set of measure zero.
"This," they said, "was rather doubtful;
Anyway it didn't matter.
What resulted in the long run:
Either he must hit the target
Much more often than at present,
Or himself would have to pay for
All the arrows he had wasted."
Hiawatha, in a temper,
Quoted parts of R. A. Fisher,
Quoted Yates and quoted Finney,
Quoted reams of Oscar Kempthorne,
Quoted Anderson and Bancroft
(practically in extenso)
Trying to impress upon them
That what actually mattered
Was to estimate the error.
Several of them admitted:
"Such a thing might have its uses;
Still," they said, "he would do better
If he shot a little straighter."
Hiawatha, to convince them,
Organized a shooting contest.
Laid out in the proper manner
Of designs experimental
Recommended in the textbooks,
Mainly used for tasting tea
(but sometimes used in other cases)
Used factorial arrangements
And the theory of Galois,
Got a nicely balanced layout
And successfully confounded
Second order interactions.
All the other tribal marksmen,
Ignorant benighted creatures
Of experimental setups,
Used their time of preparation
Putting in a lot of practice
Merely shooting at the target.
Thus it happened in the contest
That their scores were most impressive
With one solitary exception.
This, I hate to have to say it,
Was the score of Hiawatha,
Who as usual shot his arrows,
Shot them with great strength and swiftness,
Managing to be unbiased,
Not however with a salvo
Managing to hit the target.
"There!" they said to Hiawatha,
"That is what we all expected."
Hiawatha, nothing daunted,
Called for pen and called for paper.
But analysis of variance
Finally produced the figures
Showing beyond all peradventure,
Everybody else was biased.
And the variance components
Did not differ from each other's,
Or from Hiawatha's.
(This last point it might be mentioned,
Would have been much more convincing
If he hadn't been compelled to
Estimate his own components
From experimental plots on
Which the values all were missing.)
Still they couldn't understand it,
So they couldn't raise objections.
(Which is what so often happens
with analysis of variance.)
All the same his fellow tribesmen,
Ignorant benighted heathens,
Took away his bow and arrows,
Said that though my Hiawatha
Was a brilliant statistician,
He was useless as a bowman.
As for variance components
Several of the more outspoken
Make primeval observations
Hurtful of the finer feelings
Even of the statistician.
In a corner of the forest
Sits alone my Hiawatha
Permanently cogitating
On the normal law of errors.
Wondering in idle moments
If perhaps increased precision
Might perhaps be sometimes better
Even at the cost of bias,
If one could thereby now and then
Register upon a target.
W. E. Mientka, "Professor Leo Moser -- Reflections of a Visit"
American Mathematical Monthly, Vol. 79, Number 6 (June-July, 1972)
Finance professors illustrating M&M capital structure theory
Capital structure paradise